Never Let Go
by PutMoneyInThyPurse
Summary: Post-HTTYD2 nightmares.


Thursday-26, here on FFN, was mentioning how just because dragons are fireproof, it doesn't mean they're invulnerable, and how Toothless would probably have some pretty severe PTSD after the events of HTTYD2. This was the result.

* * *

Toothless screams.

His vision is red, and he's gathering his plasma gas. Hiccup, beautiful, beloved Hiccup, is standing before him, and there's nothing holding him back.

The bolt shoots out, striking Hiccup full in the chest. It sears through his leather armor and for a moment there's just a puff of smoke. When it clears, Hiccup is on his back on the ground, a black, smoking hole where his heart used to be. There's no blood, but his chest cavity is no longer _there._ There is nothing but a gaping wound, its edges seared black, piercing the entire thickness of his pitifully frail, thin human body. Toothless can see the ice behind him.

Hiccup's parents are screaming. Hiccup's green eyes flick open and meet Toothless'. "You'd never hurt me," he whispers. "It wasn't your fault."

His eyes close for the last time.

Toothless screams and screams, begging, praying for death. There's nothing here for him, nothing to live for…

"…bud. I'm here. I'm here. It's a dream, just a dream. I'm here. I'm here…"

He screams again, unable to shake this taunting voice, the voice of the one person he could never, ever hurt, the one he's killed with his own flame…

"TOOTHLESS!"

Hiccup's yell jolts him and his eyes fly open.

His wildly thundering heart is echoing in his ears, his nostrils filled with the scent of fire and death. He can still hear the screams. But his eyes show him an innocuous dark room, lit by a single candle. Wooden walls surround him. And close in front of him is Hiccup, wide eyes fixed on Toothless', soothing him with single-minded focus. "I know. I know you were dreaming of that day," he says softly. "Right? It's okay, bud. It's okay." Toothless' head is tucked into Hiccup's chest, his ear pressed to the fragile human heart. Hiccup's arms are wrapped around his neck. "You were, weren't you?"

Dreaming…? Toothless shudders convulsively. He's on his slab in their room, in the house of Stoick the Vast… whom he's killed… if he hadn't killed Hiccup… Toothless starts shaking and can't stop. He shakes his head and groans.

"It's okay, it's okay." Hiccup's hands scratch and rub at Toothless' neck and he pulls him in closer. "It was in your eyes when you woke up. I saw it." Hiccup shudders a bit himself. "Your pupils were… like back then."

Toothless moans and scrambles backwards, dislodging Hiccup's arm, almost falling off the slab. He doesn't deserve this comfort, this love.

Hiccup advances on his knees on the stone surface, arms extended. His prosthetic is off, empty pant-leg trailing from his stump. "Come here, bud. I told you. It wasn't your fault. I forgive you, but there's nothing to forgive…"

But Toothless cuts Hiccup off, shaking his head. He would have killed _Hiccup._ He would have killed him if Stoick hadn't gotten in the way. He jerks his head towards Hiccup, once, twice.

Hiccup gasps. "You dreamed it was _me?"_

Toothless whines and cringes. He turns his back on Hiccup and flops down onto his side. "Hey, no!" Hiccup flings himself at Toothless, clambering up him as if he's an organic hill and ending up sprawled over his back, arms flung out to their utmost as if he could wrap the dragon in his puny human embrace. He holds on there for a moment, then drops down his other side, facing him, leg-and-a-half all tangled in Toothless' paws, one hand still flung over his wing, the other arm reaching for his face. "Hey, bud. Hey. Wanna know a secret?"

Toothless looks at Hiccup's beloved green eyes, and whines. He can't stay away from his Hiccup, and he doesn't want to. But if he hurts him, what shall he do? Die, he supposes. He closes his eyes and turns his head away.

"…listening to me? Huh, bud? I'm here." Hiccup's hands stroke Toothless' face while his words caress Toothless' heart. "Come on. Come back to me. Hear me out, bud? Toothless?"

Hiccup presses his face against Toothless' cheek. Toothless closes his eyes tight and sets his jaw. But then Hiccup starts pressing his lips to Toothless' scales, and licking his neck dragon-style. Toothless lets out a shuddery sigh. There is nothing he has ever been able to do to resist that move.

"There you are." Hiccup murmurs. Toothless whimpers and shudders, and lies still, feeling Hiccup's caresses against his neck. "I know how you feel. I know. You know how I know?" Hiccup whispers. "Huh? You know?"

Toothless rumbles and presses his face into Hiccup's. He doesn't deserve the comfort, but he can't turn away. Hiccup keeps asking, and eventually Toothless grunts, _How do you know?_

"I know," Hiccup murmurs, "because I dream…" his voice burns with bitterness. "I dream Drago killed you."

A small sound of surprise is forced from Toothless' throat.

"Yeah," Hiccup murmurs, soft human cheek rubbing against Toothless'. "I don't wake up yelling from that one, I dunno why, just crying, so you don't always hear. But yeah…" Hiccup moves backwards to look into Toothless' eyes. "In my nightmare," Hiccup whispers, "I push you away. Like I did back then." He shudders and Toothless feels a spike through his heart. _Back then_ when Toothless became a monster, when he—

Hiccup tongues his scales again to get his attention. It works, soft human tongue replacing the snowy wastelands in his mind. "Hey hey hey. Listen to me, okay?"

Toothless nods. Hiccup goes on, mouth pressed to Toothless' scales as he speaks. "In my dream, I see you…" His voice is strained. "Trying to fly. But Drago cuts you down." His little human body has started shivering again. Toothless croons, pushing his head closer. Oddly, Hiccup withdraws his arms from around Toothless' neck, wrapping them around his own slim chest. Toothless releases a wing from where it's trapped under him, working it under Hiccup so he's not lying on the cold slab. "Thanks, bud…"

Hiccup's beyond strained now. He sounds strangled. "In my dream, I see you… lying in the snow. It starts with me telling you to get lost," he swallows, "and it's kinda sudden but then I'm kneeling by your head, and your eyes are closed, and you're… not moving." Hiccup chokes. "I would do anything to get you back." He curls tighter into himself. "But I can see that…" A human sob breaks out of him. "That you're gone."

Toothless' heart aches. He wraps a forearm around Hiccup. _Hush, Hiccup. I'm here. I'm alive._

Hiccup is trying to choke his sobs back, but he can't seem to manage it. "I'm sorry, bud. I'm so sorry. I – In the dream, I just fall on you. I try to touch your head…" Toothless pulls Hiccup in tighter, and his folded, birdlike hands turn to scrabble at Toothless' chest, "I try to touch your heart. To find a heartbeat."

Toothless cries out at that. It's the worst part of his own dream, the smoking hole in Hiccup's chest. But suddenly, Hiccup's head is pressed to Toothless' heart, his hand pressing the pad of Toothless' paw to his own chest to feel his heartbeat. "I'm sorry, Toothless. You were having a nightmare and all I did was bother you with my own dream…"

 _No, no, I want to be here for you._ Toothless licks Hiccup and brings his other foreleg up underneath Hiccup's neck to wrap around his human, pulling him closer. Hiccup murmurs and tongues Toothless' chest, pressing his odd soft human kisses to where he can feel Toothless' heartbeat. "When I see you lying there dead," his voice hitches, "There's nothing I wouldn't do…" He swallows a sob. "All I can think is I let you go."

 _No, no, you didn't_ , Toothless croons. _You never let me go._

"I let you go," Hiccup chokes, "and I lost you."

Toothless licks Hiccup and pulls him in close, letting the sensitive pad of his forepaw feel the fragile little beat of his dear human heart. The sensation warms him, chasing the terrors away. But Hiccup is still speaking, unhappy. "The sight of you… Lying there in the snow… I put my face on you and you were cold." His scent is sharp, acrid, and it reflects the way Toothless felt in his dream. He purrs, comforted that Hiccup knows how it feels, and gathers him closer.

Hiccup shudders in Toothless' hold. "You were dead." Hiccup's arms reach out, holding as much of Toothless as he can, while his leg and stump twine with Toothless' hind legs. "I can't lose you, Toothless… You're the one thing I can't lose. I won't leave you," he breathes as Toothless purrs the same thing, both comfort and promise. "I won't let you go."

Toothless nuzzles the top of Hiccup's head and licks him over and over, letting the warmth of his living body chase the fear away. _Never leave you. Never let you go._

Wrapped together, they sink into sleep. They dream not of death but of flying.


End file.
